You can’t unlearn things
For a while I’d thought I turned into a genuine pessimist/realist/all around anti-optimist, a regrettable change from the person I used to be in High School. But in the past few days, I’ve come to realize that is not the case… I’m still genuinely seeing the best in people, and in situations, to the point it makes me look like a naive idiot. But maybe the world would be a better place if there were enough naive/hopeful people trying to see the best in things, no matter how hard reality challenges this.
In the past few days, I’ve learned several things that have just shook my social world… putting politics and world-crisis’ aside to worry about my social life seems a bit petty and trivial… but when you find out truths that challenge the foundation that you’ve been building your life around, it can be pretty hard to sleep at night. It’s amazing how one truth, one piece of information can make me so upset.
At first I wish it had never been said, that I had never learned about it. But there is no going back, it can’t be ignored. And in the end, I’m probably a better person now that I know. It breaks my heart and is further justification for one of my negative theories on life… but I have decided not to let it bring me down. I appreciate that there are people in my life who can challenge my sensibilities. The world is full of so many different types of people, some are good, some take my breath away, some break me out of my shell, some hurt me, some are just truly despicable… and I am fortunate to have all of them in my life, for every relationship helps me grow as a person.
I’m still blown away… or not. In the moment, I really just wanted to start crying. I was mad at the people and mad at myself for believing in some fantasy. Looking back now, I’m glad that’s how I reacted. It means I still care and that I still believe in good in the world… just because it wasn’t where I thought it was, doesn’t me it no longer exists.
Luckily, I still have the kind heart I’ve always had… and now I have confidence, maturity and a bit of an east-coast edge to go with it. All my life experiences have made me that way, and I appreciate every one.
